Hink Pink Answer Key

Thanks to those who took a stab at solving our holiday hink pink puzzle. The answers await below:

• Ornamental cap for the gland that secretes melatonin (hinkily pinkily): Pineal finial
• Very poor job, colloquially, of hurling a carnival’s live-animal swallower (hinky pinky): Weak-sauce geek toss
• Barmier chortling (hinky pinky): Dafter laughter
• Wally Cleaver’s failed attempt to pass himself off as author of the Cultural Revolution (hinkily pinkily): Tony Dow’s phony Mao
• Maltese Falcon actor’s anecdote about a Yankee shortstop (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Peter Lorre’s Jeter story
• Government payout after a Dadaist injured himself while hoisting a urinal in the British Museum? (hinky pinky): Duchamp’s loo comp
• Hannibal native’s stint as Colombian rebels’ jefe (hinky pinky): Mark Twain’s FARC reign
• Ingenious bug bedeviling Hannah Montana (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Miley Cyrus’ wily virus
• Literary whaler’s dig at a celebrity chef (hinky pinky): Ahab’s Flay jab
• Feud between a pop icon and the author of Executioner’s Song (hinkily pinkily): Taylor Swift-Mailer rift
• Prison for promiscuous bovines (hinky pinky): Loose cow hoosegow
• Missile-riding actor, give a quick read to Bleak House! (hinkily pinkily): Slim Pickens, skim Dickens!
• Verbal puzzle for Whedoniacs (hinky pinky): Joss nerd crossword
• Germanic cube of rebaked bread (hinky pinky): Teuton crouton
• Worldwide internet community clobbers Louisiana senator for his sex-play in a funeral-home vehicle (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Twitterverse whomps Vitter hearse romps
• Japanese general’s icy treat (hinky pinky): Tojo’s froyo
• Depression-era president’s ice-cream-pastel blinds (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Herbert Hoover’s sherbet louvers
• Barney Fife’s French witticisms? (hinky pinky): Don Knotts’ bon mots
• Would-be presidential assassin Fromme’s luau torch (hinky pinky): Squeaky’s tiki
• Maurice Gibb in Melanesia (hinky pinky—all rhyme): Fiji BeeGee
• Mediterranean condiment is in favor of getting a Brazilian (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Tahini backs bikini wax
• Cartoon superhero rodent’s mercurial marital partner (hinkily pinkily): Mighty Mouse’s flighty spouse
• Babylonian legal code namesake’s sidelight of experimenting with ionizing radiation (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Hammurabi’s gamma hobby
• Name for the occasion when a Fascist-friendly poet sprang for diet citrus soft drinks for all (hinkily pinkily–and with a slight rhyme cheat): Ezra Pound’s Fresca round
• Headline: Internet rumor clearinghouse confirms that the Vatican is now a nuclear power (hinkily pinkily): com: “Pope’s got bomb”
• Campus jail in Blacksburg (hinky pinky): Hokie Pokey
• Psychiatrist of 20th-century American pragmatist philosopher Richard grabs a wee nap (hinkily pinkily): Rorty shrink’s forty winks
• Policy analyst’s straightened Afro (hink pink): Wonk conk
• Fictive evangelist’s larder (hinky pinky): Gantry’s pantry
• Little kitchen corner where the microscope’s inventor keeps his Ray Lewis jersey (hinkily pinkily): Leeuwenhoek’s Raven nook
• Sea herbivore’s self-regard (hinkily pinkily): Manatee’s vanity
• 18th/19th-century German polymath’s state of Indian seclusion (hinky pinky): Goethe’s purdah
• Classic TV kid’s dim captor (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Opie Taylor’s dopey jailor
• Elizabeth Bennet’s Bollywood suitor (hinky pinky): Farsi Darcy
• Apathetic island race of mythology’s welcoming committee for Michelle Obama (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Lotus-Eaters’ FLOTUS greeters
• English diarist’s broken-down jalopies (hink pink): Pepys’ jeeps
• Jewel-encrusted aileron (hink pink): Wing bling
• Roman magistrate’s cute car (hinky pinky): Pliny’s Mini
• Bumbling inspector’s dowry (hinky pinky): Clouseau trousseau
• Compulsively stockpilin’ hatcheter (hinky pinky): Hoardin’ Borden
• Recently retired Laker great’s smoothie-shop misadventure (hinkily pinkily): Black Mamba’s wack Jamba
• Terrible product idea: Small beanbag with glue on its underside (hinkily pinkily): tacky-back hacky sack
• What a manager (Domo arigato, sir!) had to do in 1983 when an arena-rock band jonesed for a crispy candy bar but none were available (hinky pinky, but all rhyme): Nix Styx’ Twix fix
• Singer/Urban Cowboy club-owner’s shuddering fear of love bites (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Mickey Gilley’s hickey willies
• Hootenanny featuring the Supremes (hinky pinky): Motown hoedown
• Middle Brady sis is tryin’ for an inhalation high and a fiber-filled breakfast at the same time (hinkily pinkily): Jan huffin’ bran muffin
• Post-dinger celebration failed to connect with Forrest (hinky pinky): Fist bump missed Gump
• Oddball list: Toothy present-day fish, toothy squeaky-clean songstress/star of the 1950s, toothy prehistoric meat-devourer (hinklediddledoo pinklediddledoo): Piranha, Doris, Tyrannosaurus
• Distaff soccer great’s Sorento fraud (hinkily pinkily): Mia’s Kia
• “Firework” diva’s milking operation, staffed by pirates (hinkily pinkily): Katey Perry’s matey dairy
• Actor/Soulquarians’ rapper idly draws instant dorm-pasta (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Common doodles Ramen noodles
• Polka satirist quailed before 2001 computer (hinky pinky): Weird Al feared Hal
• World’s biggest-selling writer’s ululation on a workers’ holiday (hinklediddle pinklediddle): K. Rowling’s May Day howling
• Underwood canned-meat-sponsored pageant winner’s unkempt Dracula creator, familiarly (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Miss Deviled Ham’s disheveled Bram
• Outlaw Country icon’s verbal eruptions about a certain Grizzly Mama (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Waylon Jennings’ Palin ventings
• A gathering of ten devout yellow henchmen (hinky pinky): Minion minyan
• Please outlaw Common Sense pamphleteer Tom’s sexist explications! (hinky pinky): Ban Paine’s mansplains!
• What’s seen when a portly officer’s shirt rides up while securing an arrestee (hinkily pinkily): Cuffin’ cop’s muffin top
• Plow inherited by John Scopes’ defense lawyer (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Clarence Darrow’s parents’ harrow
• Beyonce’s husband upchucks country short-shorts (hinkily pinkily): Jay Z pukes Daisy Dukes