Please

St. Joe’s altars in New Orleans have a pile of abundance 
that’s been sitting out for too long it’s best not
to eat it I wonder what to do with my anger 
when it’s been sitting out for too long I feel full
from love today a kind of trinitarian Liebe I woke up 
startled from a dream that a man I had
loved loved me and wrote the word three times in an e-mail: 
Liebe. Liebe. Liebe.
I never got the e-mail.
He sent it to an address I had for some fifteen odd years 
an account that a spambot attacked and I deleted and
is now owned by someone in Crimea who may or may not 
pretend to be me one day but isn’t fun fact: if you get an e-mail 
from kathleenheil@yahoo.com even though for years it was me
it’s not me fun fact: if you send an e-mail to kathleenheil@yahoo.com 
even though for years I would read it I won’t I can’t.
In the dream the man I had loved was telling my sister 
that he wanted to commit
to some one some thing. He was married. Dear Reader
to be honest I don’t know if he really loved me he told me once 
the word Liebe is so much stronger than what we mean in English 
by love but then he said in his way that he loved me and
I’d like to think he did. I did. Love him and finally 
am no longer ashamed
by the spear that pierced my flesh 
I did not ask but was given

Read more from Issue 18.1.