Here at CR we have an arduous training process for our new volunteers. We ask them to perform feats of physical strength and stamina, like doing sprints with heavy stacks of the current issue on their heads and standing atop a teeny platform for a really, really long time (the latter we stole from Survivor, but we think it’s important for our purposes, too). After that we test their balance and reflexes by having them walk a nine-foot-high balance beam while dodging banana peels and sandwich crusts left over from our lunches.
After they’re sufficiently covered in residual banana goo, we ask them to do still more rigorous things like opening the mail, juggling information within our various databases, and of course, processing submissions. They also participate in meetings about editing, production, marketing, and advanced paper-cut avoidance.
If they make it that far, we ask them to take our editing test, so they can judge their aptitudes for things like spelling, grammar, and judicious rephrasing. And now, readers, we’re inviting you to join the fun! (Balance beam excluded.) Take a gander at a small portion of our test below and correct the punctuation and grammar problems. The first five people to answer all correctly will get to choose a prize (free issue, free thermos, or free slingback—all emblazoned with CR’s handsome logo).
Submit your answers via comment by next Wednesday, September 28. We’ll close the contest either on that date or upon receiving five sets of correct answers. To comment, just click on the post title above.
One more thing: We think your editing skills should come from within—sort of like the samurai spirit in martial arts movies—so we ask that you take the test without consulting the Internet. (Besides, do you want to find out how good your editing skills are, or do you want to spend the next hour scouring grammar message boards? Hmm? Hmm?)
Editing Test
Correct the punctuation and grammar problems in the following sentences. Note that some sentences may be correct (we’re tricky like that).
- Tamar had grown up on a little, native, banana plantation.
- Jeff wasn’t feeling well so he went home and laid down.
- The situation is grim but, if we are prepared to act promptly, there is still one chance for escape.
- The gates swung apart, the bridge fell, the portcullis was drawn up.
- He is one of the ablest scientists who has attacked this problem.
- Among the five Gerry Bryant is the candidate, whom we hope will win.
- The ranger offered Shirley and him advice on several campsites.
- Surely, you’ve heard the phrase, “Keeping up with the Jones’s?”
1. Tamar had grown up on a little, native, banana plantation. The cruel joke of it all was he preferred oranges.
2. Jeff wasn’t feeling well so he went home and laid down. But it turns out his bed was a pile of salmonella.
3. The situation is grim but, if we are prepared to act promptly, there is still one chance for escape. It’s through the University of Phoenix’s MBA program. Spots are filling fast, so submit your applications post haste!
4. The gates swung apart, the bridge fell, the portcullis was drawn up. But nobody in the castle knew what a “portcullis” actually was so it turned out what was drawn up was a very unhappy horse.
5. He is one of the ablest scientists who has attacked this problem. Unfortunately, the problem was that the Bengals needed a quarterback, so all the scientific methods in the world couldn’t help the poor guy throw a football more than ten yards.
6. Among the five, Gerry Bryant is the candidate who we hope will win.
7. The ranger offered Shirley and him advice on several campsites. For a guy in uniform, Shirley thought it was strange how the ranger loved to end all his sentences with, “Seriously, why don’t you ditch your boy toy and meet me in my Winnebago. I’ll show you what the Smoky Mountains are all about, if you get my drift. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.”
8. Surely, you’ve heard the phrase, “Keeping up with the Jones’s?” Well I just cut the Jones’s brake-line, so that’s going to need some adjusting.
1. Tamar had grown up on a little, native, banana plantation. Oh, man, was she ever tired of banana splits for dinner.
2. Jeff wasn’t feeling well so he went home and was laid to rest. It was so sad, except for his dog Arnold, who never really liked Jeff.
3. The situation is grim, but if we are prepared to act promptly, there is still one chance for escape. Don’t get your hope up; you’re too late.
4. The gates swung apart, the bridge fell and the portcullis was drawn up. Too bad the king’s horse was a little too close to the bridge.
5. He is one of the ablest scientists to have attacked this problem. And yet, all was for naught. His cat still liked to eat roaches. Get over it.
6. Among the five, Gerry Bryant is the candidate whom we hope will win. We’re confident that his life sentence won’t be held against him.
7. The ranger offered Shirley and him advice on several campsites, suggesting that a plethora of bear prints actually added to the ambiance.
8. Surely, you’ve heard the phrase, “Keeping up with the Jones’s?” But did you know that it was Jim Jones that started all that? His father just never showed him any affection.
Last night I received my thermos. This morning I filled it with coffee. First thing I did when I got to work was pour myself a cup. It’s a busy time around here right now, what with all the quarterly reports being put together, so I figured I’d need a little extra to get through the day.
Soon enough my boss walked by, saw me surfing the Internet, reading about Ashton and Demi while staring at pictures of Amanda Knox. Then he saw the thermos, took in the striking logo of The Cincinnati Review, and gave me a raise.
Thanks, Cincinnati Review!