Archive for the ‘Games, Contests, & Diversions’ Category

Hink Pink Answer Key

Tuesday, January 10th, 2017

Thanks to those who took a stab at solving our holiday hink pink puzzle. The answers await below:

  • Ornamental cap for the gland that secretes melatonin (hinkily pinkily): Pineal finial
  • Very poor job, colloquially, of hurling a carnival’s live-animal swallower (hinky pinky): Weak-sauce geek toss
  • Barmier chortling (hinky pinky): Dafter laughter
  • Wally Cleaver’s failed attempt to pass himself off as author of the Cultural Revolution (hinkily pinkily): Tony Dow’s phony Mao
  • Maltese Falcon actor’s anecdote about a Yankee shortstop (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Peter Lorre’s Jeter story
  • Government payout after a Dadaist injured himself while hoisting a urinal in the British Museum? (hinky pinky): Duchamp’s loo comp
  • Hannibal native’s stint as Colombian rebels’ jefe (hinky pinky): Mark Twain’s FARC reign
  • Ingenious bug bedeviling Hannah Montana (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Miley Cyrus’ wily virus
  • Literary whaler’s dig at a celebrity chef (hinky pinky): Ahab’s Flay jab
  • Feud between a pop icon and the author of Executioner’s Song (hinkily pinkily): Taylor Swift-Mailer rift
  • Prison for promiscuous bovines (hinky pinky): Loose cow hoosegow
  • Missile-riding actor, give a quick read to Bleak House! (hinkily pinkily): Slim Pickens, skim Dickens!
  • Verbal puzzle for Whedoniacs (hinky pinky): Joss nerd crossword
  • Germanic cube of rebaked bread (hinky pinky): Teuton crouton
  • Worldwide internet community clobbers Louisiana senator for his sex-play in a funeral-home vehicle (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Twitterverse whomps Vitter hearse romps
  • Japanese general’s icy treat (hinky pinky): Tojo’s froyo
  • Depression-era president’s ice-cream-pastel blinds (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Herbert Hoover’s sherbet louvers
  • Barney Fife’s French witticisms? (hinky pinky): Don Knotts’ bon mots
  • Would-be presidential assassin Fromme’s luau torch (hinky pinky): Squeaky’s tiki
  • Maurice Gibb in Melanesia (hinky pinky—all rhyme): Fiji BeeGee
  • Mediterranean condiment is in favor of getting a Brazilian (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Tahini backs bikini wax
  • Cartoon superhero rodent’s mercurial marital partner (hinkily pinkily): Mighty Mouse’s flighty spouse
  • Babylonian legal code namesake’s sidelight of experimenting with ionizing radiation (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Hammurabi’s gamma hobby
  • Name for the occasion when a Fascist-friendly poet sprang for diet citrus soft drinks for all (hinkily pinkily–and with a slight rhyme cheat): Ezra Pound’s Fresca round
  • Headline: Internet rumor clearinghouse confirms that the Vatican is now a nuclear power (hinkily pinkily): com: “Pope’s got bomb”
  • Campus jail in Blacksburg (hinky pinky): Hokie Pokey
  • Psychiatrist of 20th-century American pragmatist philosopher Richard grabs a wee nap (hinkily pinkily): Rorty shrink’s forty winks
  • Policy analyst’s straightened Afro (hink pink): Wonk conk
  • Fictive evangelist’s larder (hinky pinky): Gantry’s pantrymanatee1
  • Little kitchen corner where the microscope’s inventor keeps his Ray Lewis jersey (hinkily pinkily): Leeuwenhoek’s Raven nook
  • Sea herbivore’s self-regard (hinkily pinkily): Manatee’s vanity
  • 18th/19th-century German polymath’s state of Indian seclusion (hinky pinky): Goethe’s purdah
  • Classic TV kid’s dim captor (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Opie Taylor’s dopey jailor
  • Elizabeth Bennet’s Bollywood suitor (hinky pinky): Farsi Darcy
  • Apathetic island race of mythology’s welcoming committee for Michelle Obama (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Lotus-Eaters’ FLOTUS greeters
  • English diarist’s broken-down jalopies (hink pink): Pepys’ jeeps
  • Jewel-encrusted aileron (hink pink): Wing bling
  • Roman magistrate’s cute car (hinky pinky): Pliny’s Mini
  • Bumbling inspector’s dowry (hinky pinky): Clouseau trousseau
  • Compulsively stockpilin’ hatcheter (hinky pinky): Hoardin’ Borden
  • Recently retired Laker great’s smoothie-shop misadventure (hinkily pinkily): Black Mamba’s wack Jamba
  • Terrible product idea: Small beanbag with glue on its underside (hinkily pinkily): tacky-back hacky sack
  • What a manager (Domo arigato, sir!) had to do in 1983 when an arena-rock band jonesed for a crispy candy bar but none were available (hinky pinky, but all rhyme): Nix Styx’ Twix fix
  • Singer/Urban Cowboy club-owner’s shuddering fear of love bites (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Mickey Gilley’s hickey willies
  • Hootenanny featuring the Supremes (hinky pinky): Motown hoedown
  • Middle Brady sis is tryin’ for an inhalation high and a fiber-filled breakfast at the same time (hinkily pinkily): Jan huffin’ bran muffin
  • Post-dinger celebration failed to connect with Forrest (hinky pinky): Fist bump missed Gump
  • Oddball list: Toothy present-day fish, toothy squeaky-clean songstress/star of the 1950s, toothy prehistoric meat-devourer (hinklediddledoo pinklediddledoo): Piranha, Doris, Tyrannosaurus
  • Distaff soccer great’s Sorento fraud (hinkily pinkily): Mia’s Kia
  • “Firework” diva’s milking operation, staffed by pirates (hinkily pinkily): Katey Perry’s matey dairy
  • Actor/Soulquarians’ rapper idly draws instant dorm-pasta (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Common doodles Ramen noodles
  • Polka satirist quailed before 2001 computer (hinky pinky): Weird Al feared Hal
  • World’s biggest-selling writer’s ululation on a workers’ holiday (hinklediddle pinklediddle): K. Rowling’s May Day howling
  • Underwood canned-meat-sponsored pageant winner’s unkempt Dracula creator, familiarly (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Miss Deviled Ham’s disheveled Bram
  • Outlaw Country icon’s verbal eruptions about a certain Grizzly Mama (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Waylon Jennings’ Palin ventings
  • A gathering of ten devout yellow henchmen (hinky pinky): Minion minyan
  • Please outlaw Common Sense pamphleteer Tom’s sexist explications! (hinky pinky): Ban Paine’s mansplains!
  • What’s seen when a portly officer’s shirt rides up while securing an arrestee (hinkily pinkily): Cuffin’ cop’s muffin top
  • Plow inherited by John Scopes’ defense lawyer (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Clarence Darrow’s parents’ harrow
  • Beyonce’s husband upchucks country short-shorts (hinkily pinkily): Jay Z pukes Daisy Dukes

We interrupt our holiday hiatus . . .

Tuesday, December 27th, 2016

. . . for a bit of  hinky (un)fun.

So you didn’t think 2016 could suck any more? Well, it’s time for another round of the tortures of the damned—our holiday round of hink pinks. For background and another set of these puzzles, see our August contest.

Again, as stolen from the master, Dylan Hicks of The Paris Review, a definition and rules: “Hink pink is a word game in which synonyms, circumlocution, and micronarratives provide clues for rhyming phrases. In the standard explanatory example, an ‘overweight feline’ is a ‘fat cat.’ Hink pinks on that babyish level aspire to lend vocabulary building an air of fun, but more sophisticated puzzles are sometimes mulled over on road trips, in trenches, and in other settings where boredom and tension might be mellowed, to paraphrase Dryden, by the dull sweets of rhyme. . . . A puzzle of disyllabic components is a hinky pinky, followed with decreasing dignity by hinkily pinkilies, hinklediddle pinklediddles, and hinklediddledoo pinklediddledoos. Even with longer puzzles, however, the goal, almost a mandate, is for each syllable to rhyme perfectly, though this perfection might depend on idiosyncratic stress.”

So—“Candle heist” (hinky pinky) would be “Taper caper.”

“First-year in a painterly inferno” (hink pink) would be “Bosch frosh.” 

“Fawlty player’s sternutation” (hink pink) would be “Cleese sneeze.”

“Multitalented Jackson has mastered spotted Pacific salmon, too” (hinky pinky) might yield “Bo knows cohoes.”

Rhymes must generally be perfect, with the exception that an s—usually possessive—is allowed at the dead center. For example, “Undomesticated Donald’s Niagara plunge” would presumably be “Feral Trump’s barrel jump.”

Below are another sixty. As always, the first two people to submit forty correct answers get either a one-year subscription or a one-year extension of subscription . . . plus a free copy of the first title from our brand-new publishing imprint, Acre Books, Very Angry Baby: The Anthology—due this spring.

  • Ornamental cap for the gland that secretes melatonin (hinkily pinkily)
  • Very poor job, colloquially, of hurling a carnival’s live-animal swallower (hinky pinky)
  • Barmier chortling (hinky pinky)
  • Wally Cleaver’s failed attempt to pass himself off as author of the Cultural Revolution (hinkily pinkily)
  • Maltese Falcon actor’s anecdote about a Yankee shortstop (hinklediddle pinklediddle)
  • Government payout after a Dadaist injured himself while hoisting a urinal in the British Museum? (hinky pinky)
  • Hannibal native’s stint as Colombian rebels’ jefe (hinky pinky)
  • Ingenious bug bedeviling Hannah Montana (hinklediddle pinklediddle)
  • Literary whaler’s dig at a celebrity chef (hinky pinky)
  • Feud between a pop icon and the author of Executioner’s Song (hinkily pinkily)
  • Prison for promiscuous bovines (hinky pinky)
  • Missile-riding actor, give a quick read to Bleak House! (hinkily pinkily)
  • Verbal puzzle for Whedoniacs (hinky pinky)
  • Germanic cube of rebaked bread (hinky pinky)
  • Worldwide internet community clobbers Louisiana senator for his sex-play in a funeral-home vehicle (hinklediddle pinklediddle)
  • Japanese general’s icy treat (hinky pinky)
  • Depression-era president’s ice-cream-pastel blinds (hinklediddle pinklediddle)
  • Barney Fife’s French witticisms? (hinky pinky)
  • Would-be presidential assassin Fromme’s luau torch (hinky pinky)
  • Maurice Gibb in Melanesia (hinky pinky—all rhyme)
  • Mediterranean condiment is in favor of getting a Brazilian (hinklediddle pinklediddle)
  • Cartoon superhero rodent’s mercurial marital partner (hinkily pinkily)
  • Babylonian legal code namesake’s sidelight of experimenting with ionizing radiation (hinklediddle pinklediddle)
  • Name for the occasion when a Fascist-friendly poet sprang for diet citrus soft drinks for all (hinkily pinkily–and with a slight rhyme cheat)
  • Headline: Internet rumor clearinghouse confirms that the Vatican is now a nuclear power (hinkily pinkily)
  • Campus jail in Blacksburg (hinky pinky)
  • Psychiatrist of 20th-century American pragmatist philosopher Richard grabs a wee nap (hinkily pinkily)
  • Policy analyst’s straightened Afro (hink pink)
  • Fictive evangelist’s larder (hinky pinky)
  • Little kitchen corner where the microscope’s inventor keeps his Ray Lewis jersey (hinkily pinkily)
  • Sea herbivore’s self-regard (hinkily pinkily)
  • 18th/19th-century German polymath’s state of Indian seclusion (hinky pinky)
  • Classic TV kid’s dim captor (hinklediddle pinklediddle)
  • Liza Bennet’s Bollywood suitor (hinky pinky)
  • Apathetic island race of mythology’s welcoming committee for Michelle Obama (hinklediddle pinklediddle)
  • English diarist’s broken-down jalopies (hink pink)
  • Jewel-encrusted aileron (hink pink)
  • Roman magistrate’s cute car (hinky pinky)
  • Bumbling inspector’s dowry (hinky pinky)
  • Compulsively stockpilin’ hatcheter (hinky pinky)
  • Recently retired Laker great’s smoothie-shop misadventure (hinkily pinkily)
  • Terrible product idea: Small beanbag with glue on its underside (hinkily pinkily)
  • What a manager (Domo arigato, sir!) had to do in 1983 when an arena-rock band jonesed for a crispy candy bar but none were available (hinky pinky, but all rhyme)
  • Singer/Urban Cowboy club-owner’s shuddering fear of love bites (hinklediddle pinklediddle)
  • Hootenanny featuring the Supremes (hinky pinky)
  • Middle Brady sis is tryin’ for an inhalation high and a fiber-filled breakfast at the same time (hinkily pinkily)
  • Post-dinger celebration failed to connect with Forrest (hinky pinky)
  • Oddball list: Toothy present-day fish, toothy squeaky-clean songstress/star of the 1950s, toothy prehistoric meat-devourer (hinklediddledoo pinklediddledoo)
  • Distaff soccer great’s Sorento fraud (hinkily pinkily)
  • “Firework” diva’s milking operation, staffed by pirates (hinkily pinkily)
  • Actor/Soulquarians’ rapper idly draws instant dorm-pasta (hinklediddle pinklediddle)
  • Polka satirist quailed before 2001 computer (hinky pinky)
  • World’s biggest-selling writer’s ululation on a workers’ holiday (hinklediddle pinklediddle)
  • Underwood canned-meat-sponsored pageant winner’s unkempt Dracula creator, familiarly (hinklediddle pinklediddle)
  • Outlaw Country icon’s verbal eruptions about a certain Grizzly Mama (hinklediddle pinklediddle)
  • A gathering of ten devout yellow henchmen (hinky pinky)
  • Please outlaw Common Sense pamphleteer Tom’s sexist explications! (hinky pinky)
  • What’s seen when a portly officer’s shirt rides up while securing an arrestee (hinkily pinkily)
  • Plow inherited by John Scopes’ defense lawyer (hinklediddle pinklediddle)
  • Beyonce’s husband upchucks country short-shorts (hinkily pinkily)

Acre Books at Books by the Banks!

Wednesday, October 12th, 2016

launchJoin us for the launch of Acre Books—UC’s new small literary press—at the annual Books by the Banks festival, which takes place at Duke Energy Convention Center this Saturday. Doors open at 10 a.m., and panels and other book-tastic events run until 4 p.m.

Our 45-minute program begins at 2:30 in room 209. Nicola Mason, editor of Acre Books, will begin by reading selections from its signature anthology (and first publication), A Very Angry Baby, to be released in early 2017. Come and hear snippets of works by literary powerhouses Julianna Baggott, Brock Clarke, Andrew Hudgins, Margaret Luongo, Erin McGraw, Jamie Quatro, Josh Russell, and more. Devil babies, apple babies, hungry babies, aged babies, monster babies created in a lab—the anthology runs the gamut (and includes poetry and hybrid forms as well as fiction).

Following the reading, Acre Books will launch its YouTube channel. Sit and enjoy the show as we “air” on the big screen a succinct sampling of videos—following a couple of submissions (one poetry, one prose) through the reading/ranking process at The Cincinnati Review, an imagistic rendering of Jeannine Hall Gailey’s poem “Wonder Woman Dreams of the Amazon,” a segment of an interview with Brock Clarke, and some comic, language-centric skits.

Last, we’ll offer the kids some game-time fun with our own version Pin the Tail on the Donkey. We’re dubbing our spin-and-stick offering Pin the Wail on the (Angry) Baby. After the blindfolds come off, participants will be soothed with a candy pacifier.

We’ll entertain you and shan’t detain you . . . long. You’ll have time to stroll through the book fair and check out at the many reader-friendly stations lining the halls of the energy center. Hope to see you there!

Writing & Getting Published

Hink Pink Answers

Tuesday, August 9th, 2016

Michael Griffith: Congratulations to our puzzle contest winners, Stephanie La Francofille (with help from C.) and Vivian D., both of whom have earned either a year’s subscription to CR or a year’s extension. And thanks to all of you who tackled these tricky puzzles (and, again, to Dylan Hicks and Paris Review for their trailblazing and support). I’m honing and winnowing another batch to appear in our Fall/Winter issue. Look out, too, for new puzzle features—likely an acrostic and a another crossword—this fall.

answer key

  • What the Vienna Secession painter did to his GTO for the auto show (hink pink): Klimt pimped.
  • New NFL instant replay tool sponsored by a pioneering hip-hop label (hinky pinky): Def Jam ref cam.
  • Featured instrument in alt-country band The Beheaded Queen (hinkily pinkily): Anne Boleyn’s mandolin.
  • Internet discussion board for boosters of an ex-Pennsylvania senator and presidential candidate (hinkily pinkily): Santorum fan forum.
  • Puzzlemaster is cruising for a lawsuit by wearing those wee denims (hinky pinky—all rhyme): Shortz courts jorts torts.
  • Yale deconstructionist, pony up what you owe to the self-deprecating comedienne! (hinklediddledoo pinklediddledoo): J. Hillis Miller, pay Phyllis Diller!
  • What golfer Michelle insisted on before she married legendary basketball coach Adolph (hinky pinky): Wie/Rupp prenup.
  • Periods of time Assange’s group devoted to divulging web secrets of ex-Monkee Dolenz (hinkily pinkily): Wikileaks’ Mickey weeks.
  • “Friends in Low Places” singer’s metafiction collection (hinky pinky): Garth Brooks’ Barth books.
  • The Man in Black’s soiree for a Greek elevator-music star (hinkily pinkily): Johnny Cash’s Yanni bash.
  • Porous yellow guy’s stint in ‘90s Seattle music (hinky dinky): Spongebob’s grunge job.
  • Wearer of a multicolored belled cap embroidered with an A (hinky pinky): Jester Hester.
  • Postgame Nawlins-style sandwich in Mudville (hinky pinky): No-joy poboy.
  • Poultry Viagra (hinky pinky): Rooster booster.
  • ‘90s sitcom namesake’s Vulcan-style telepathic linking with Tinkerbell (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Jerry Seinfeld’s fairy mind-meld.
  • Part of a cartoon shark’s contract that requires the studio to have soured unpasteurized milk on hand? (hinkily pinkily): Jabberjaws’ clabber clause.
  • Even on his ambulance stretcher, hipster Sanders diehard has Americanos lined up (hinkily pinkily): Bernie bro’s gurney joes.
  • Red-haired obstacle-course competitor, in Boston (hinky pinky): Gingeh ninja.
  • Nubbly bedspread of a 1970s songstress who was the former Mrs. Dragon (hinky pinky): Tennille chenille.
  • Calvin Broadus’ chowder hard-sell (hinky pinky): Snoop Dogg’s soup flog.
  • Basso-voiced villain: “Wayne’s World co-host, adieu!” (hinkily pinkily): Darth Vader: Garth, later!
  • Sharpshooting LA Clipper, first-aid provider to those injured by a current fad dance (hinklediddle pinklediddle): J. Redick, nene medic.
  • Nora Charles, dump that Gentile! (hinkily pinkily): Myrna Loy, spurn a goy!
  • Herb from WKRP haz buttery pizzeria treats (hinkily pinkily): Tarlek gots garlic knots.
  • Superman nemesis who’s paranoid that we’ve all been lied to—LIED TO!—about the birds and the bees (hinkily pinkily): Lex Luthor, sex truther.
  • Onetime prop comedian, now policing European polecats (hinkily pinkily): Carrot Top, ferret cop.
  • Revolutionary leader since 1959 errs in opening a gourmet bar & grill (hinkily pinkily): Castro flubs gastropub
  • Trail mix at sci-fi speed  (hink pink): Warp gorp.
  • Elegant appeal a harem-pants-wearing rapper derives from his fermented Korean side dish (hinklediddle pinklediddle): MC Hammer’s kimchee glamour.
  • “Why did the chicken have sex with the road?”, e.g. (hinky pinky): Diddle riddle.
  • Glass receptacle, located in a Tanzanian archipelago, for money to help a former Who’s the Boss? star now down on his luck (hinkily pinkily): Zanzibar Danza jar
  • NBA’s first great center, on a mountain ramble, snaps photos of mosslike composites with his expensive Japanese camera (hinklediddle pinklediddle—all rhyme): Hikin’ Mikan lichen Nikon (sorry!)
  • Place to which the viewer’s eye is drawn in a painting of a rustic honky-tonk (hinkily pinkily): Yokel joint focal point
  • Colombian pop star’s exodus from Mecca (hinkily pinkily): Shakira hegira.
  • “OK, I’m givin’ up. No more saying ‘nevermore.’” (hinky pinky): Cavin’ raven.
  • Mayberry-born Marine’s designer-knockoff glass tube for a Magus’s resin (hinkily pinkily): Gomer Pyle’s faux myrrh vial.
  • Widespread terror about a communist plot to make us all look as though we’ve just risen from naps (hinky pinky): Bed-hair Red Scare
  • Foxy Brown’s canned-meat phobia (hinky pinky): Pam Grier’s Spam fear.
  • Infamous dognapper’s measles-infected Caddy (hinklediddledoo pinklediddledoo): Cruella DeVil’s rubella Seville.
  • Sorry, duplicate here! Replacement was “Recently expired dictator has possession of onetime Red Sox skip’s Viagra” (hinkily pinkily): Kim Jong Il’s Zim dong pills.
  • Umlaut-happy rock-band frontman’s criminally good bargain on multicolored fabric (hinky pinky): Vince Neil’s chintz steal.
  • Second duplicate. Replacement was “Poker-faced bourbon distiller’s posts about a meat snack have gone viral (hinkily pinkily)”: Grim Jim Beam’s Slim Jim meme.
  • The Human Highlight Film is looking for fanatical devotees of the Wonder Twins’ monkey (hinky pinky): Nique seeks Gleek freaks [or “geeks”]
  • What to say to a budding wizard fencing with Gabe Kaplan (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Harry Potter, parry Kotter!
  • Penny-ante philippic from Ace Frehley or Peter Criss (hinky pinky): Pissant K*i*s*s rant.
  • Moment of maximum shame for a fooled ice defenseman (hink pink): Peak deke.
  • An Austrian logician goes bad in the fridge (hinky pinky): Gödel curdle.
  • Archie Leach’s wedding trousers (hinkily pinkily): Cary Grant’s marry pants.
  • Exercise monitor exclusively for poststructuralists or their ilk (hinky pinky): Lit-crit Fitbit
  • White House scandal: President’s sham South American camelid (hinkily pinkily): Obama’s faux llama.
  • Murray/Merrill portrayer mildly criticizes instances of Jewish prayer (hinkily pinkily): Gavin dings davenings.
  • Von Richthofen, cuttin’ back on his daily pills (hinkily pinkily): Red Baron, med parin’.
  • Group of trucks hauling 007’s ornamental fish (hinky pinky): Bond koi convoy.
  • Part of Lady Spencer’s tennis outfit, that time at the Kennedy compound (hinklediddle pinklediddle): Diana’s skort, Hyannisport
  • S&M equipment purchasable, in spotted-horse pattern, at 30,000 feet (hinkily pinkily—slight cheat in the rhyme): Skymall mag piebald gag.
  • Result of HMS Beagle naturalist’s high bid on a Bundren child’s flivver (hinkily pinkily): Charles Darwin’s Darl car win.
  • A certain Stalag commander’s springtime sexual idiosyncrasy (hinkily pinkily): Colonel Klink’s vernal kink.
  • Lord Greystoke, forbid custard tarts! (hinky dinky): Tarzan, bar flan!
  • Ornithologist has snared an icon of 1970s cool (hinkily pinkily): Audubon’s caught a Fonz.
  • Result of bowdlerizing a famed NYC street photographer’s work to make it safe for children (hinky pinky, all rhyme): PG Weegee.

And a bonus hyper-ridiculous one, this time a hinklediddledoodle dinklediddledoodle: Famed “Omaha”-shouter ties the knot at a bronzing salon in the Wright Brothers’ hometown, in a ceremony that takes place during a publicity stunt modeled on the one made famous by John Lennon and Yoko Ono. (Hint: Use the person’s full name.)

 

 

Puzzle Feature: Hink Pinks

Thursday, July 28th, 2016

Michael Griffith: Last month Chris Bachelder, may he be thanked and damned, sent me down a rabbit hole by introducing me to Hink Pinks. Chris passed along a most excellent and amusing feature on The Paris Review’s website, a series of nimble and often diabolically difficult examples by Dylan Hicks. I recommend those puzzles highly, and here steal, or rather quote, Hicks’s explanation of the genre:

wobblingoblin“Hink pink is a word game in which synonyms, circumlocution, and micronarratives provide clues for rhyming phrases. In the standard explanatory example, an “overweight feline” is a “fat cat.” Hink pinks on that babyish level aspire to lend vocabulary building an air of fun, but more sophisticated puzzles are sometimes mulled over on road trips, in trenches, and in other settings where boredom and tension might be mellowed, to paraphrase Dryden, by the dull sweets of rhyme. . . . A puzzle of disyllabic components is a hinky pinky, followed with decreasing dignity by hinkily pinkilies, hinklediddle pinklediddles, and hinklediddledoo pinklediddledoos. Even with longer puzzles, however, the goal, almost a mandate, is for each syllable to rhyme perfectly, though this perfection might depend on idiosyncratic stress.”

A few of the puzzles below aspire to Hicksian difficulty, and/or to the lovely epigrammatic density of his cluing (an example of his handiwork: “Hazzard County kingpin keeps track of interdental hygiene,” to which the answer, presumably, is “Boss Hogg’s floss log”). I’ve tried, though, to make at least some of them a bit easier and more accessible for the beginner. This is not a kindness, I admit—more in the spirit of the pusher hawking a gateway drug in the hopes of spreading the misery. As some of you will have witnessed on my Facebook wall a few weeks back, these little puzzles can be addictive. I have repaid Chris B. by visiting upon him a hink pinks fink jinx.)

Below are sixty wee puzzles. I’ve tried to provide a heads-up where there’s a whisper of off rhyme or a slight shift of emphasis. The one consistent exception I’ve allowed to perfect rhyme is that at the center and fulcrum point of the puzzle, there may be a possessive “s.” The answer to “White whale’s home haircutting gizmo,” then, would be “Moby[’s] Flowbee.”

These are hard, and of course no one has the time (or probably the inclination) to wade through all of them, so the prize this time—either a year’s subscription to CR or a year’s extension of a present subscription—will go to the first two people who send at least forty correct answers. We’ll post the answers in a week or so.

I have another sixty nearly ready for the upcoming Fall/Winter issue, as well; we’ll continue to have a puzzle feature in every issue, but not all will be crosswords. And if there’s sufficient interest out there, my plan next month is to do a second web feature in which we offer readers’ hink pinks. If you’re interested in participating in that (making them up can turn obsessive, too, so fair warning), please send your puzzles along to michael[dot]griffith[at]uc.edu.

 

  • What the Vienna Secession painter did to his GTO for the auto show (hink pink)
  • New NFL instant replay tool sponsored by a pioneering hip-hop label (hinky pinky)
  • Featured instrument in alt-country band The Beheaded Queen (hinkily pinkily)
  • Internet discussion board for boosters of an ex-Pennsylvania senator and presidential candidate (hinkily pinkily)
  • Puzzlemaster is cruising for a lawsuit by wearing those wee denims (hinky pinky—all rhyme)
  • Yale deconstructionist, pony up what you owe to the self-deprecating comedienne! (hinklediddledoo pinklediddledoo)
  • What golfer Michelle insisted on before she married legendary basketball coach Adolph (hinky pinky)
  • Periods of time Assange’s group devoted to divulging web secrets of ex-Monkee Dolenz (hinkily pinkily)
  • “Friends in Low Places” singer’s metafiction collection (hinky pinky)
  • The Man in Black’s soiree for a Greek elevator-music star (hinkily pinkily)
  • Porous yellow guy’s stint in ‘90s Seattle music (hinky dinky)
  • Wearer of a multicolored belled cap embroidered with an A (hinky pinky)
  • Postgame Nawlins-style sandwich in Mudville (hinky pinky)
  • Poultry Viagra (hinky pinky)
  • ’90s sitcom namesake’s Vulcan-style telepathic linking with Tinkerbell (hinklediddle pinklediddle)
  • Part of a cartoon shark’s contract that requires the studio to have soured unpasteurized milk on hand? (hinkily pinkily)
  • Even on his ambulance stretcher, hipster Sanders diehard has Americanos lined up (hinkily pinkily)
  • Red-haired obstacle-course competitor, in Boston (hinky pinky)
  • Nubbly bedspread of a 1970s songstress who was the former Mrs. Dragon (hinky pinky)
  • Calvin Broadus’ chowder hard-sell (hinky pinky)
  • Basso-voiced villain: “Wayne’s World co-host, adieu!” (hinky pinky)
  • Sharpshooting LA Clipper, first-aid provider to those injured by a current fad dance (hinklediddle pinklediddle)
  • Nora Charles, dump that Gentile! (hinkily pinkily)
  • Herb from WKRP haz buttery pizzeria treats (hinkily pinkily)
  • Superman nemesis who’s paranoid that we’ve all been lied to—LIED TO!—about the birds and the bees (hinkily pinkily)
  • Onetime prop comedian, now policing European polecats (hinkily pinkily)
  • Revolutionary leader since 1959 errs in opening a gourmet bar & grill (hinkily pinkily)
  • Trail mix at sci-fi speed  (hink pink)
  • Elegant appeal a harem-pants-wearing rapper derives from his fermented Korean side dish (hinklediddle pinklediddle)
  • “Why did the chicken have sex with the road?”, e.g. (hinky pinky)
  • Glass receptacle, located in a Tanzanian archipelago, for money to help a former Who’s the Boss? star now down on his luck (hinkily pinkily)
  • NBA’s first great center, on a mountain ramble, snaps photos of mosslike composites with his expensive Japanese camera (hinklediddle pinklediddle—all rhyme)
  • Place to which the viewer’s eye is drawn in a painting of a rustic honky-tonk (hinkily pinkily)
  • Colombian pop star’s exodus from Mecca (hinkily pinkily)
  • “OK, I’m givin’ up. No more saying ‘nevermore.’” (hinky pinky)
  • Mayberry-born Marine’s designer-knockoff glass tube for a Magus’s resin (hinkily pinkily)
  • Widespread terror about a communist plot to make us all look as though we’ve just risen from naps (hinky pinky)
  • Foxy Brown’s canned-meat phobia (hinky pinky)
  • Infamous dognapper’s measles-infected Caddy (hinklediddledoo pinklediddledoo)
  • “Friends in Low Places” singer’s metafiction collection (hinky pinky)
  • Umlaut-happy rock-band frontman’s criminally good bargain on multicolored fabric (hinky pinky)
  • The Man in Black’s soiree for a Greek elevator-music star (hinkily pinkily)
  • The Human Highlight Film is looking for fanatical devotees of the Wonder Twins’ monkey (hinky pinky)
  • What to say to a budding wizard fencing with Gabe Kaplan (hinklediddle pinklediddle)
  • Penny-ante philippic from Ace Frehley or Peter Criss (hinky pinky)
  • Moment of maximum shame for a fooled ice defenseman (hink pink)
  • An Austrian logician goes bad in the fridge (hinky pinky)
  • Archie Leach’s wedding trousers (hinkily pinkily)
  • Exercise monitor exclusively for poststructuralists or their ilk (hinky pinky)
  • White House scandal: President’s sham South American camelid (hinkily pinkily)
  • Murray/Merrill portrayer mildly criticizes instances of Jewish prayer (hinkily pinkily)
  • Von Richthofen, cuttin’ back on his daily pills (hinkily pinkily)
  • Group of trucks hauling 007’s ornamental fish (hinky pinky)
  • Part of Lady Spencer’s tennis outfit, that time at the Kennedy compound (hinkily pinkily)
  • S&M equipment purchasable, in spotted-horse pattern, at 30,000 feet (hinkily pinkily—slight cheat in the rhyme)
  • Result of HMS Beagle naturalist’s high bid on a Bundren child’s flivver (hinkily pinkily)
  • A certain Stalag commander’s springtime sexual idiosyncrasy (hinkily pinkily)
  • Lord Greystoke, forbid custard tarts! (hinky dinky)
  • Ornithologist has snared an icon of 1970s cool (hinkily pinkily)
  • Result of bowdlerizing a famed NYC street photographer’s work to make it safe for children (hinky pinky, all rhyme)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shipping Week!

Tuesday, December 8th, 2015

 

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Our winter issue has arrived! We’re busy stuffing, taping, stamping, and hauling boxes to the mail room. In addition to fiction by Michael Byers, Wendy Rawlings, and Nicholas Montemarano, not to mention poetry by Carl Phillips, MRB Chelko, and Rebecca Hazelton—as well as two primo pieces of creative nonfiction—we’re running another crossword by fiction editor Michael Griffith. He describes it as his toughest one yet! As we’ve done in the past, we’re offering a bonus issue to the first few folks who email us the correct grid (we’ll add it to your subscriptions). Shoot your puzzle solution to editors[at]cincinnatireview[dot]com by Friday, December 18, to win!

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Fiction Mashup Contest

Thursday, November 19th, 2015

Thanks to the scads of readers who contributed to our Cento Contest! Actually, there were only two of you—but your centos delighted us—so much that we’re adding a full year to both your CR subscriptions. Same holds true for anyone who offers us a cento using lines from CR 12.1 by the end of the day tomorrow. We should mention that Assistant Ed. Jose Angel Araguz took the form to new heights by creating a sonnet cento of last lines. To check all these out, simply click on the title of the CR Cento Contest post and scroll down.

mashupsAnd now it’s time for a genre switcheroo. A fiction cento, as it were, though that’s not really an existing term, so we’re just calling it a fiction mashup. Same deal: Those who submit credible efforts—and especially those who submit incredible efforts—get a year added on to their subscriptions. Associate Ed. Don Peteroy played it pretty loose when constructing the mashup below—grabbing a phrase, part of a sentence, or just some interesting word pairs from every prose piece in our current issue. The result is . . .

Hot Raisin Bird for the Temptation Arm of My Father

by Don Peteroy

     “I want you to come over. Right now,” Earl said.

     “It is forbidden,” Esther said. He hung up the tapeworm and ran out into the rain with his Cape of Invisibility. Except it never worked.

     He called 911.

     “Welcome to Mr. Milkshake. Can I take your order?”

     “Are you ready?” he asked. Words clogged his helicopter.

     “I want you to come over. Right now,” she said.

     He was driving over in his disaster of a car. She opened the shed. He reached over, putting his arm around seas of cantaloupe slices. She had makeup insurance won’t cover. The girl sometimes wore firewood.

     “You nervous?” he asked like a pinecone.

     “You signed a contract,” she said.

     “Good, but could you squeeze harder?”

     That hot, itchy feeling was leaking from him, kind of shaped like France. He said he’d been taking a lot of heat from Pastor Joe: She’s seeing a therapist rumored to be in Rising Sun. It snugs up to the Mason-Dixon line, covered by a Vampire Weekend poster.

     He sat on the edge of the bed. Her throat was always on schedule, the damp smell of the locker room. One month, they’d eaten nothing but sailors, but after the divorce, he couldn’t stop thinking about a tub of cottage cheese. When he was nine, he’d been chased through concrete. Chickens were miles away. Rain fell unceasingly in preserve jars. Pastor Joe had bailed him out of jail because her neuroses allowed him to feel like potato salad charred to purity. Winter came. They all ate.

     “Did you fight back?” Esther said. A spatula simmered in the crockpot.

     He unrolled an old treasure map. She hit him with her secret cave. Everyone got a chance to.

     I called 911, popped out my left boob, and said, “No daughter of mine is going to be a rock star.”

     Me. It was the last thing she was expecting. Me in full makeup and costume, with their chemistry teacher wired directly to a defibrillator. “Look, let’s go over the options in person,” I said.

     “We just want to eat bacon,” she said at length, like a fragile foot.

     “She shits herself all the day,” he said, putting his dick away. “I hate salmon.”

     I wanted to inhale my wig. “I’m in the band,” I said.

     “No way. You’re making that up,” she said.

     I unrolled condom wrappers, built to look like coffins. “I’m in the band,” I said.

     She threw a pillow. Chickens were miles away. Nipping at each other. That night, she would sit me in a bucket of crabs.

The CR Cento Contest

Monday, November 16th, 2015

cento-poem
Rochelle Hurt:
The cento is a collage form in which a poem is composed entirely of lines from other poems. It can be an homage to the originals, a subversive twist, or just a fun game. Contemporary examples of the form include “The Dong with the Luminous Nose” by John Ashbery and “Wolf Cento” by Simone Muench.

In homage to the poets of our current issue, I’ve composed a couple of centos in which each line comes from a different poem in issue 12.1. (I’ve added punctuation here and there.) We encourage you to compose your own 12.1 cento and post it on our blog. We’ll float a free issue to creators of the strongest three (either gift for a friend or added to your current subscription). Pro tips: 1. Remember to cite the authors you quote from the issue; 2. enjambment is your friend!

 

Storm Cento

The sky lit up like a glass of water,

flipped eyelids first glint of light.

Our zinc roof unpeeled to show

Father the split fibula where the marrow must rust.

Dark blue run, rim of

a portable dark. Maybe a cave inside

leading to the sea. Grime and pastel.

 

Blindness is medicine for those who have

a secret room of hands.

Yes, simply because it contains all the secrets of

my transparent body.

Sources, in order: John McAuliffe, Dong Li, Safiya Sinclair (x2 – different poems), Marianne Boruch, Benjamin S. Grossberg, Justin Runge, Nick Courtright, CJ Evans, Changming Yuan, Kiriu Minashita.

 

Cynic’s Cento

O keel and swerve,

bird that flies from the past to the past

in a room adjusted by a metallic voice.

The future, clover-shaped, hail-beat.

 

Relax, this is only a sketch

of the inner eye. I would travel many days to see

these plastic heavens

the blue darkness vividly boils around.

 

My faith’s not what I’m told God wants it to be.

When the boats sail, I let them.

Sources, in order: Joelle Biele, Chelsea Jennings, Kiriu Minashita, Justin Runge, Krzysztof Jaworski, Jay Leeming, Christopher Robley, Kiriu Minashita (different poem), James McMichael, K. A. Hays.

Schiff Awards Finalists and Honorable Mentions

Tuesday, October 6th, 2015

featWithout further ado!

Finalists

Michele Herman
Kate McQuade

Honorable Mentions

Michael Alessi, Steve Amick, David Armstrong, Chris Arp, Sarah Batkie, James Bennett, J. Bowers, Mason Boyles, Elizabeth Denton, Darrin Doyle, Andrea Eberly, Emily Franklin, Scott Gloden, Becky Hagenston, Carissa Halston, Simon Han, Rob Hicks, Mark Hitz, Mark Holden, Christian Holt, David Joseph, Bradford Kammin, Rachel Kondo, Kevin Mandel, Terrance Manning Jr., LaTanya McQueen, Sarah Menkedick, Billy Middleton, Christina Milletti, Christopher Mohar, Derek Palacio, Michael Pearce, Karenmary Penn, Todd James Pierce, Maegan Poland, Lara Prescott, Hannah Timmins Reid, Katie Rogin, Anna Rowser, Chad Schuster, Sarah Taggart, J. Duncan Wiley, Hannah Withers, and Rolf Yngve

Schiff Awards Follow-Up!

Monday, October 5th, 2015
Thanks to everyone who entered our seventh annual summer contest. You sent us essays: There was that beautiful meditation on the altered state of motherhood, for example, as well as that investigative, yearning search for a family past erased by slavery. You sent us pitch-perfect comic stories: We got one featuring a computer coder with a suicidal grandma and a girlfriend obsessed with an Amish reality show. (You thought you had problems!) You sent us sharp and lyrical realist stories: We received several heartbreaking and disorienting tales about what it’s like to live with dementia. You sent us imaginative fabulism and odd magical realism: We got many stories that explored gender, including one in which a woman wakes up with a man’s (ahem) hardware. And you sent poems. One of you imagined the sex life of zombies. One of you imagined the sex life of Gollum. Several of you reimagined that original sex scandal in the mythical garden of yore.  You sent us secrets and heartbreaks, childhoods and dreamscapes. You sent lists and villanelles and rondeaux, and a record-breaking number of prose poems. You sent us (vicariously) to the boulevards of Paris, the villas of Italy, the research labs of Antarctica, and the backyards of post-apocalyptic America. We had an embarrassment of riches, and we’re embarrassed we could only pick one winner.

Don Bogen on the winning poem: Jaime Brunton’s “Chase” is the first prose poem to win the Schiff Award and a great example of the genre at its best. Here are some things I especially admire about it.  First, it’s definitely a poem. Neither narrative-driven nor expository, “Chase” can’t be mistaken for flash fiction or a paragraph in an essay. It uses sentences the way a good poem in free verse uses the line: with grace, variety, and special attention to sound. “Chase” revitalizes phrasing, so that the most impersonal, empty constructions—“There is,” “There are”—come to support subtle emotional exploration. What the poem has to say about time, loss, and our hopes for a clear arc in the lives of those we love is marked by discovery and insight. “Chase” is sharp, sensitive, and brilliantly rendered, a standout among prose poems and poems in general.

Michael Griffith on the winning story: Robert Long Foreman’s “Awe” features a documentarian who, adrift after a project gone tragically wrong, has quit his profession and is seeking . . .  well, is seeking renewed access to the sublime, to awe. His bizarre stratagem is to arrange through Craigslist to watch a woman give birth. In Foreman’s nimble hands, Bill’s alternately comic and poignant (mis)adventures with the couple who agree to allow this make for a delightfully askew, surprisingly emotional story.

Check the blog tomorrow for our distinguished list of HONORABLE MENTIONS. (Sorry, meant to announce them today, but there have been logistical . . . complications, and we don’t want to leave anyone out!)